Success from a Failed Time Lapse

Yesterday morning, I drove from Minneapolis, MN to Champaign, IL, a trip that takes around 7-8 hours of nonstop driving.

Recently, I purchased a glass mount and a power cord for my Sony DSLR, in hopes that I could shoot more sophisticated time-lapse movies during my long road trips. Thus, before I left town, I mounted the camera to the windshield of the car and set it to take a photo every 12 seconds.

The project ultimately failed. My car’s power inverter died (possibly a blown fuse), so the camera was left to run off its own battery. The battery died about 6.5 hours in. It also monsoon-rained during much of the drive, which means the individual photos were blurred by water and marred by the occasional windshield wiper.

The good news, though, is that the camera occasionally shot an interesting image, made dreamy by the blur and glare of the rain.

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Eastbound 394, just outside Minneapolis.

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I-94 Tunnel, Minneapolis

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I-90/94, Wisconsin

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I-90/94, Wisconsin, at 11:45 in the morning.

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Exit between I-90 Eastbound and I-39 Southbound, near Rockford, IL.

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I-39 Southbound, IL

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I-39 Southbound, IL

Cinematic Oddities: Berlin Express

The cast of Berlin Express, seen in front of the real rubble of post-WWII Germany.

The cast of Berlin Express, seen in front of the real rubble of post-WWII Germany.

The year was 1948. World War II had just closed, and the difficult job of cleaning up Germany was in progress. Over the rubble, the Allied powers collaborated, clashed, and ultimately sliced Germany into bits.

This is the backdrop of a very strange film noir named Berlin Express.

Berlin Express was the first Hollywood production filmed in Germany after WWII, and the film makes everything it can out of showing the real detritus of the war. Characters totter around in what seems an endless landscape of rubble. The film production went out of its way to grab as much documentary footage of blasted-out Berlin and Frankfurt as possible, and for that alone, this film is worth watching. The devastation, even three years after Germany’s surrender, is unearthly.

Yet the film has more to it than just its backdrop. Berlin Express is a tale of international intrigue, which strives to embody each of the Allied powers in an ensemble cast. There is a German doctor who is working to hash out peace in his country; there is his wary secretary of indeterminate European origin, who is scrambling to keep him safe; there is a Russian soldier who is suspicious of everyone; there is an American nutritionist, working to devise rations that will nourish the starving German population; there’s a British teacher; and there’s a French official. Everyone gets mashed together on a train headed to Berlin. When a bomb explodes on the train and kills the German, the mystery is afoot.

What follows is a complex web of intrigue. Some of it feels like it is taken verbatim out of the film noir handbook, and some scenes feel clumsy, but overall, Berlin Express is a complex and fascinating film to watch. This is a film that is unafraid to make the viewer work to keep up. Characters rattle off lines in untranslated French, German, and Russian, and though you don’t necessarily need to know what exactly they are saying, it is very important to pay attention. (The introduction of the secretary character involves her rebuffing strange men in a variety of languages.) The film introduces and establish characters in the blink of an eye. The film, made in 1948, also assumes a fairly high baseline of knowledge about WWII history, so you might want to refresh your memory about German reconstruction before going in.

But if that sounds like work, it’s worth it. Berlin Express was directed by Jacques Tourneur (of Out of the Past and Cat People fame), which means it goes full tilt film noir. Characters who are not what they first seem? Check. Shoot-outs in dramatically lit set-pieces? Check. Creepy-ass clowns? WHOA.

I'm not kidding. FILM NOIR CLOWNS.

I’m so not kidding. FILM NOIR CLOWNS.

Berlin Express gets bonus film noir points for starring Robert Ryan, who you probably know from extraordinarily macho films like The Dirty Dozen and The Wild Bunch.

Berlin Express was completely unavailable on home video for many years, but you can now enjoy it through Vudu and the Warner Archives.

Best Funeral Ever

Documentary filmmaker Les Blank passed away last Sunday at age 77. He was perhaps best known for his association with a crazy German named Werner Herzog. Personally, my favorite Les Blank piece is Burden of Dreams, which captured the grueling four-year ordeal that was the production of Herzog’s Fitzcarraldo.

The Criterion Collection has a Tumbler, and yesterday they posted a photo of Les Blank’s coffin:

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WOW. Mr. Blank is going out in style in a home-spun collaborative art piece.

I believe that is the greatest funeral idea in the world.

Screw somber, polished wood boxes with expensive metal trimmings. When I die, I want all you crazy people to bling the fuck out of my pine box. I want my coffin to look like a Michael’s craft store exploded. And when you’re done, I want you guys to wheel that thing into a crematorium, and then stash the glitter-and-bone ashes under a tree somewhere.

I also look forward to attending other funerals with DIY coffin art. Get on this, people!

Quick, Tell Me: The Employed Edition

Quick Tell Me LogoYesterday, I waxed nostalgic about my old job at a fish store.

Today, please tell me about an unusual job you once had (or, perhaps, still have).

Tales from the Fish Store

Once upon a time, I worked at a fish store.

Specifically, I was once a manager-on-duty and African cichlid expert for a shop that bred and sold pet fish. The shop wasn’t a run-of-the-mill mall-based pet shop. It was a place for aquarium super-nerds. We had about 30 employees on staff, with 6-7 working there at all times during the weekends, because the place would be elbow-to-elbow packed with customers. We worked our asses off there.

I worked there for many years.

Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons

It was today’s post at The Oatmeal that got me thinking about the fish store today, because we got mantis shrimp in the store all the time. As noted in The Oatmeal’s strip, a mantis shrimp is a gorgeous creature that can smack the holy hell out of you. It can deliver 1,500 Newtons of force with its front legs, in a motion that causes water to boil by supercavitation. It can kill prey without even touching it. It can also easily shatter a glass tank.

We’d sometimes order the mantis shrimp deliberately from our suppliers. They’d come to the store very well packaged, and we would carefully place them in little acrylic tanks. Acrylic could withstand their abuse, as it is not prone to shatter. It might crack, but it wouldn’t shatter.

Sometimes, though, we’d accidentally get a mantis shrimp. They would hitch a ride on the organism-coated reef rock, which we would buy and sell by the pound. Every once in a while, an employee would be looking at our (glass) reef tanks and they would cry, “AAAAA MANTIS SHRIMP!”

And then we’d have to try to catch the shrimp — out of a tank full of rock-made hidey places, mind you — without pissing it off.

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