Ebertfest Road Trip: Amusing Quotes

Had to switch to Analog Twitter for a while.As one final nod to my Ebertfest 2012 road trip, I give you the amusing quotes that I noted during the week and a half I spent on the road. Enjoy!

“Snuggles from Kiev! You’re on the air!” – Ken Hite

“‘Watch the extended cut of Rob Zombie’s Woolite commercial!’ That’s not even an English sentence!” – Ken Hite

“He liked Ed Gein, too, but I think that was just because he had trouble with women. … Wow, the crowd turned on me real fast.” – Poe

At a dinner in West Virginia:
“It was a muscle car… can’t remember… it had a horse’s name…”
“Ford Shetland?”

Context: I was wearing a shirt that read VALKYRIE across the chest.
“I’ve never met a real live Valkyrie before! … Emphasis on live.” – old lady at drug store

“I have solved government. The Senate needs luchador masks and a wrestling ring.” – me

“Where there’s smoke, there’s Goldblatt.” – cinematographer Stephen Goldblatt

“I love that they’re applauding the integrity of your failure.” – Ali LeRoy to Raymond Lambert, during the Phunny Business Q&A

“Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but not necessarily in that order.” – director Alrick Brown

“We have a bowl here for Teen Wolf!” – server at 301 Mongolia

“I seem to both have and not have Schrödinger’s Cold. The damn waveform just won’t collapse. Please, somebody observe it.” – me

“Piracy is the best distribution system ever been devised.” – David Bordwell

“I didn’t know that rarebit dreams were a thing.” – me

“Mr. Beetle should have guessed that the aggressive grasshopper was a movie cameraman.” – title card from a silent short called The Cameraman’s Revenge (1912)

“Don’t spit on the floor! Remember the Jonestown floods!” – title card between silent shorts during the Alloy Orchestra Wild and Weird performance

“This is less a festival and more a Roger Ebert mix tape. ‘Here; you should see this. I made it for you.'” – husband of @susannahb on Twitter

“Have you ever seen the film A Separate Bacon… er, I mean, A Separation…” – Mirko, obsessed with bacon

“David Bordwell is smarter than you.” – @joeklein190 on Twitter

“We have LOLcats going back to the turn of the century.” – film historian David Bordwell

“I bet that the budget for A Separation was less than the average cocaine budget for the average American movie.” – director Paul Cox

“The Teen Wolf cocaine punchbowl is The Conqueror nuclear test site of the 1980s.” – Mirko

“100 years is nothing to a European, 100 miles is nothing to an American.” – Mirko

Me: “I am a tool-using monkey, I can find Steak n’ Shake!”
Random dude on street: “Did you say, ‘tool-using monkey?'”
[random high-five]

Mirko: “Does it taste like turtles?”
Me: “Delicious turtles.”

“That is shake and Play-Doh at the same time. Lovecraftian caramel.” – Mirko

“Vera [Farmiga] says that there aren’t enough movies with the word ‘clitoris’ in them.” – writer Carolyn Briggs, during the Higher Ground Q&A

“It’s a beautiful thing to learn to love the questions” – writer Carolyn Briggs

“I’m still very confused as to why health insurance is tied to employment in this country.” – director Jeff Nichols, regarding Take Shelter

“I made that furniture float with my mind.” – actor Michael Shannon, regarding his performance in Take Shelter

“I’m huge in France.” – director Jeff Nichols

Me: “I just needed food without sharp points on it.”
Mirko: “Oh no, I just suffered a waffle cut!”

“I can’t believe I’m asking this, but do you have Everclear 190? It’s for a science experiment.” – me, in a liquor store

“When all you have is a gel effect, everything looks like Yog-Sothoth.” – Ken Hite

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