Ambien Calls Are the New Drunk Dial

Around 11pm last night, I looked at my phone. I was surprised to find that someone I know (who shall remain nameless) had tried to call me nine times between 9pm and 10pm. They also left a phone message, which was strangely garbled. Since it was now considerably later, I texted back, saying I’d received their message, and asking if they still wanted me to call back. I hoped it wasn’t some horrible emergency.

This morning, this (condensed) conversation ensued, via text:

Anonymous: What message?

Me: You left a voicemail last night.

Anonymous: I did?

Me: Yup.

Anonymous: What time?

Me: Around 10pm.

Anonymous (multiple messages): OMG. Freaking out. Ambien?

Anonymous then called me. Apparently, they had taken an Ambien earlier in the evening. They had zero recollection of the attempted phone calls. I was laughing, partly because I was glad that nothing horrible had happened, and partly because, well, it’s hilarious.

Even better, I got this text about ten minutes later:

Anonymous: Probably wasn’t wise to file my tax return at 3:30 this morning.

SWEET BARKING GODZILLA!

I’ve heard about people on Ambien doing completely bizarre things whilst on the drug. As far as side effects go, I find them fascinating and often hilarious. Don’t get me wrong — driving in a drugged zombie-sleep is a real, dangerous thing and is no joke. However, the sheer weirdness of some of these Ambien actions really makes me wonder if most people’s lizard brain is more of a Dadaist than a Mr. Hyde. I’ve heard of people eating buttered cigarette butts and salt sandwiches. I even had a friend who would take Ambien, then blog for hours on LiveJournal. (He made posts like this for weeks before finding one and realizing what he’d been doing during his brain’s off hours. Even weirder was that his friends were reading the posts and thought they were odd, but not odd enough to mention to the author.)

But filing Ambien-taxes is a new one to me. WOW!

EDIT: I have been given an important update! Apparently, the tax filing wasn’t even their own. They’d managed to submit someone else’s taxes.

Until now, I didn’t realize you could put a punchline on top of another punchline.

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