Quotable CONvergence

My friends are immensely quotable. Here is a collection of the bits and pieces of dialogue I gathered during CONvergence. I’ve attributed the quotes where possible; if I haven’t, it’s because I’ve genuinely forgotten who said it, and I apologize.

"I didn't know He was lost."

“I didn’t know He was lost!” – Pam

“The booty is mine! You cannot have it!”

“I am not having this conversation with you while my penis is out!” – Poe (from inside a bathroom)

“Crispin Cider is the fsking bomb.” – Pam
“You mean Christian Slater?” – Poe

“Pee faster! Twitter is waiting! You have all the hashtags! No one can tweet until you come back!” – Poe (to me, while I’m inside a bathroom)

“I’ve been noticing there’s a bag here that’s filled with nothing but bungee cords and beef jerky.” – Poe


“Don’t make me sic my gothapotamus on you.”

“Henry Rollins is not a tall man. He’s fun-sized.” – Poe

“That was the year I forgot how to count.”
“You were counting in hex.”

“Don’t ask The Burning Bush, ‘Who are you?'”

“I’m the Kevin Sorbo you get when you can’t get Kevin Sorbo.” – C. Robert Cargill

“Is there a way to declare Fes Works as an Emotional Support Brony and get him on airlines?” – Paul Comeau

“Her jewelry fought off bullets. You can’t buy that at Claire’s Boutique.” – Bonnie Burton, regarding Wonder Woman

“Amazon women have built-in support DNA.” – also regarding Wonder Woman

“Miss Piggy does it all with a hand up her ass, 24-7.” – Sharon Stiteler

“I’m voting for Sarah Connor, just because there was never a musical episode.” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“I think it comes down to carpetingNO NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN.” – Kelvin Hatle

“Barbarella’s spaceship looked like the inside of RuPaul’s house…” – Bonnie Burton

“When I was a little girl…” – Windy Bowlsby
“Please don’t make this about a sex machine.” – Bonnie Burton

“Barbarella is farting confusion, more of which I’d like to see in Smackdown.” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“Emma Peel wears leather so when it squeaks you at least have a fighting chance.” – Windy Bowlsby

“Dawn was the Scrappy Doo of the Buffy world.”

“Princess Leia saved the galaxy, and did that while coked up.” – Windy Bowlsby

“Sarah M. Gellar does not have to live with the memory of a holiday special w/Bea Arthur. And neither does Carrie Fisher.” – Christopher Jones (I think)

“Oh crap, I want to see tassels on Ellen Ripley.” – Bonnie Burton

“I think Wonder Woman would have a shot if she could open her mouth and have another little Wonder Woman head come out.”

“I used to be straight, but now I’m pigsexual.” – Bonnie Burton, regarding Miss Piggy

“‘Come with me if you want to live’ is a threat that Miss Piggy uses against Kermit when they have sex.” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“Do you think Barbarella could break a Cyberman like she broke the Orgasmatron?” – Sharon Stiteler

“Have you ever seen a frog penis? I have.” – Sharon Stiteler

“Ace is farting… sly.” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“I want George Lucas’ autobiography title to be ‘There Are No Bras in Space.'”

“Puppets never die, but sometimes their voices don’t sound right anymore.” – Christopher Jones

“I am so happy you’re here, Sharon. This is the first time in years where I’m not the most inappropriate one.” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“She just shoved a whole dealer up her nostril!” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“Can Piggy choke a Hutt?”
“Does Piggy need to choke a Hutt?”

“Singing and dancing is important, but one is made entirely out of bacon.” – Bonnie Burton

“Sharon, do you fist your bacon?”
“Suddenly, I’m brunch-sexual.”

“Han Solo is Corellian, so technically Princess Leia has had an alien inside her too!” – Joseph Scrimshaw

“I think people who don’t open action figure boxes have social problems.” – C. Robert Cargill

“His penis is like Linux. It looks fine but he’s the only one who uses it.” – Vilification Tennis

“Oh no! Dazzler’s after us! Hit the beach!”

“Heidi Fleiss’ dog ate our bed.” – Phil Proctor

“If I had a whorehouse, I wouldn’t have a dog that eats beds.” – Richard Fish

“Canadians have — and this is little known fact — perfect farts.” – Tim Uren

“Tim Wick is a classless rubber nipple.” – Joseph Scrimshaw, leading an entire audience in a chant

“Have you ever looked at a snail pulling a chariot and said, ‘Can it pull it any better?’ No! You have not!” – Tim Wick

“WOMEN: Do they exist?” – PowerPoint Karaoke slide
“Next slide!” – Jen Scott

“Next week on Game of Thrones, I’m predicting stabby, stabby, stabby…boobie, stabby. Spoilers!” – Tim Uren

“And I can’t believe you let ‘Horsey Sauce’ go without a Brony joke.”

“In the future, it’s always 3:45.” – Tim Uren

“Dude! Look! A floor!” – from Killer B’s

“Only bears can prevent robots!” – from Killer B’s

My pig drank my liquor!” – me


  1. The “I’m not the most inappropriate one” comment was from Mr. Scrimshaw. Towards the end of Smackdown, he seemed a bit unnerved by the Bonnie Burton-Sharon Stiteler exchanges. Poor Joe.

  2. Also, I was a bit disappointed that the Twilight-Horsey Sauce Venn diagram didn’t result in a sparklecorn spooge comment. That might be a little too inside-baseball, though.

  3. Post has been edited to fix the attribution. Thanks!

  4. I am proud to be a part of this. Even if my Ordering Pants (and regrettable history in convention fandom) are part of it.

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