My friends are immensely quotable. Here is a collection of the bits and pieces of dialogue I gathered during CONvergence. I’ve attributed the quotes where possible; if I haven’t, it’s because I’ve genuinely forgotten who said it, and I apologize.
“The booty is mine! You cannot have it!”
“I am not having this conversation with you while my penis is out!” – Poe (from inside a bathroom)
“Crispin Cider is the fsking bomb.” – Pam
“You mean Christian Slater?” – Poe
“Pee faster! Twitter is waiting! You have all the hashtags! No one can tweet until you come back!” – Poe (to me, while I’m inside a bathroom)
“I’ve been noticing there’s a bag here that’s filled with nothing but bungee cords and beef jerky.” – Poe
“BREAK OUT MY iPAD AND MY ORDERING PANTS!” – Jason
“Don’t make me sic my gothapotamus on you.”
“Henry Rollins is not a tall man. He’s fun-sized.” – Poe
“That was the year I forgot how to count.”
“You were counting in hex.”
“Don’t ask The Burning Bush, ‘Who are you?'”
“I’m the Kevin Sorbo you get when you can’t get Kevin Sorbo.” – C. Robert Cargill
“Is there a way to declare Fes Works as an Emotional Support Brony and get him on airlines?” – Paul Comeau
“Her jewelry fought off bullets. You can’t buy that at Claire’s Boutique.” – Bonnie Burton, regarding Wonder Woman
“Amazon women have built-in support DNA.” – also regarding Wonder Woman
“Miss Piggy does it all with a hand up her ass, 24-7.” – Sharon Stiteler
“I’m voting for Sarah Connor, just because there was never a musical episode.” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“I think it comes down to carpetingNO NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN.” – Kelvin Hatle
“Barbarella’s spaceship looked like the inside of RuPaul’s house…” – Bonnie Burton
“When I was a little girl…” – Windy Bowlsby
“Please don’t make this about a sex machine.” – Bonnie Burton
“Barbarella is farting confusion, more of which I’d like to see in Smackdown.” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“Emma Peel wears leather so when it squeaks you at least have a fighting chance.” – Windy Bowlsby
“Dawn was the Scrappy Doo of the Buffy world.”
“Princess Leia saved the galaxy, and did that while coked up.” – Windy Bowlsby
“Sarah M. Gellar does not have to live with the memory of a holiday special w/Bea Arthur. And neither does Carrie Fisher.” – Christopher Jones (I think)
“Oh crap, I want to see tassels on Ellen Ripley.” – Bonnie Burton
“I think Wonder Woman would have a shot if she could open her mouth and have another little Wonder Woman head come out.”
“I used to be straight, but now I’m pigsexual.” – Bonnie Burton, regarding Miss Piggy
“‘Come with me if you want to live’ is a threat that Miss Piggy uses against Kermit when they have sex.” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“Do you think Barbarella could break a Cyberman like she broke the Orgasmatron?” – Sharon Stiteler
“Have you ever seen a frog penis? I have.” – Sharon Stiteler
“Ace is farting… sly.” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“I want George Lucas’ autobiography title to be ‘There Are No Bras in Space.'”
“Puppets never die, but sometimes their voices don’t sound right anymore.” – Christopher Jones
“I am so happy you’re here, Sharon. This is the first time in years where I’m not the most inappropriate one.” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“She just shoved a whole dealer up her nostril!” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“Can Piggy choke a Hutt?”
“Does Piggy need to choke a Hutt?”
“Singing and dancing is important, but one is made entirely out of bacon.” – Bonnie Burton
“BACON THAT CAN TAKE A GOOD FISTING.”
“Sharon, do you fist your bacon?”
“Suddenly, I’m brunch-sexual.”
“Han Solo is Corellian, so technically Princess Leia has had an alien inside her too!” – Joseph Scrimshaw
“I think people who don’t open action figure boxes have social problems.” – C. Robert Cargill
“His penis is like Linux. It looks fine but he’s the only one who uses it.” – Vilification Tennis
“Oh no! Dazzler’s after us! Hit the beach!”
“Heidi Fleiss’ dog ate our bed.” – Phil Proctor
“If I had a whorehouse, I wouldn’t have a dog that eats beds.” – Richard Fish
“Canadians have — and this is little known fact — perfect farts.” – Tim Uren
“Tim Wick is a classless rubber nipple.” – Joseph Scrimshaw, leading an entire audience in a chant
“Have you ever looked at a snail pulling a chariot and said, ‘Can it pull it any better?’ No! You have not!” – Tim Wick
“WOMEN: Do they exist?” – PowerPoint Karaoke slide
“Next slide!” – Jen Scott
“Next week on Game of Thrones, I’m predicting stabby, stabby, stabby…boobie, stabby. Spoilers!” – Tim Uren
“And I can’t believe you let ‘Horsey Sauce’ go without a Brony joke.”
“In the future, it’s always 3:45.” – Tim Uren
“Dude! Look! A floor!” – from Killer B’s
“Only bears can prevent robots!” – from Killer B’s
“My pig drank my liquor!” – me
The “I’m not the most inappropriate one” comment was from Mr. Scrimshaw. Towards the end of Smackdown, he seemed a bit unnerved by the Bonnie Burton-Sharon Stiteler exchanges. Poor Joe.
Also, I was a bit disappointed that the Twilight-Horsey Sauce Venn diagram didn’t result in a sparklecorn spooge comment. That might be a little too inside-baseball, though.
Post has been edited to fix the attribution. Thanks!
I am proud to be a part of this. Even if my Ordering Pants (and regrettable history in convention fandom) are part of it.